The hawk, my dad and me

my tatoo

July 28, 2016 would have been my dad’s 87th birthday. He has been gone for five years. He was my mentor and friend and of course I miss him like crazy.

Grief is a weird emotion. I don’t think it ever completely goes away, but we do learn to accommodate it and create a different version of life without that person in our world anymore. Grief isn’t something we finish and just move past and be done with. I believe it creates a new element in who we are. The loss of someone we love changes us forever.

Eventually, the intense pain of fresh grief — the kind that causes inertia, forgetfulness, exhaustion and that deep ache in your chest — subsides and settles way below the surface, and we resume living, laughing, striving forward the way life is meant to be. Our human resiliancy leads us to a new level where we can carry on without the deep, debilitating sorrow every day, or every week or even every month. But, when we are not expecting it, that pain can rise up from inside just by hearing a song, or smelling a scent or driving past a hospital.

There are still times when I say out loud, “Dad, I wish you were here.” How much easier it would be just to pick up the phone and hear his voice saying something like, “You did a great job, proud of you,” or “So-and-so is just trying to get under your skin, you are way above that…ignore them.” Instead I have to try and imagine what words of wisdom he would say to me during troubled times, and it’s then that I realize he is, in fact, still with me, in my heart and in the lessons he taught me.

A visit by a hawk or two

The day we buried my father in the Ketchum Idaho Cemetery it was a bright October morning, 2011. During his graveside service, one by one, the people in attendance began to notice a lone Red-tailed hawk circling, circling, circling above us. I remember looking up at the huge wingspan of this soaring bird and immediately feeling something surreal and profound.

Following the service, we all moved over to the historic Trail Creek Cabin by the river, an area where my dad used to walk his dogs every day for nearly 20 years. We gathered on the outside deck overlooking the forests and mountains, and anyone who wanted to speak could honor my father by telling their stories and memories about him. The stories came, one after another; funny, emotional, surprising. We laughed out loud and felt the complete love of my dad’s friends who surrounded us. My sister and I stood up together and read the many kind emails and memories that people from around the world sent to tell us how my dad had touched their life as a journalist, as a mentor, as a boss, as a friend.

It wasn’t very long until all of us noticed, again, a Red-tailed hawk circling above us. The big bird soon settled on a branch in a nearby tree and watched the goings-on for a long, long while. In fact, I don’t remember that he ever left his perch as long as we were there.

Two hawks watching over us as we bid farewell to my father. For me, there was something spiritual going on.

The hawk’s symbolic meaning to me

I am aware of the significance of hawks as a strong symbol of visionaries and spiritual messengers. Because the hawk is able to soar high above the earth — into the heavens if you will — it has a perspective of the “bigger picture,” which we cannot experience from our earthly anchor. Some of the symbolism associated with the hawk are courage, wisdom, seeing the “bigger picture.” The bird brings a message to free yourself of thoughts and beliefs that are limiting your ability to soar and gain greater perspective that will allow you to survive and flourish.

Sounds just like what my father taught me when he was alive.

From that day forward, I have been blessed to see a Red-tail almost every day, and gradually this beautiful bird became the symbol to me that my father is still with me, in spirit, in memory, in the lessons he taught me. When I see hawks hovering and circling above me as I walk my dogs, I stop and watch, and think of what message my father would say to me on that day. What struggles am I having, or what advice do I need that brings a hawk to me today?

The visits by hawks remind me to be bold, have faith, try to see things from a higher and wider perspective and remember that my father’s love and wisdom are always with me. Because that is what dad would wish for me.

Hawk tattoo

20160203_154518-3 (2)A couple months ago, after nearly five years of thinking about it, I had a Red-tailed hawk tattooed onto my forearm. His wings are spread, not so much as if he is in full flight but more like an enveloping, protective posture. He flies towards my heart, rather than flying away. His face is bold and focused. His tail feathers are spread and red, symbolizing the heart and a connection to loved ones. Underneath the hawk is my father’s actual signature, “Dad,” lifted from a card he sent to me many years ago. This tattoo serves as a visual reminder every day that my father’s love and spirit lives on and that, indeed, he is just a thought away.

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17 Responses

  1. Perry says:

    I lost my son to cancer in June of 2022. Since then I have repeatedly seen the same Red Tailed Hawk while outside my place of work during lunch. It usually appears out of the blue and is typically very vocal. In the 4 years prior to my son’s passing I had never seen this hawk. Today is the most recent and closest visit by this hawk (and most vocal). It also truly felt as if he were there, more so than the previous times. The hawk for us makes sense though, as he and I are both fiercely loyal and protective of the one’s we love. Thank you for your story. It’s comforting reading about others with similar experiences.

  2. Jennifer Turner says:

    Since my dad died in August 2021, I’ve had a brown hawk sitting on the fence in my front yard in front of my bedroom window. It is now June 2023 and it has not left my yard except to go up in the trees all that time. Now it stays in the yard under whatever window in whatever room I’m in. It will go to the backyard if I’m in the den wherever I’m at it is right there. This is the on a daily basis. It’s at my bedroom window on the fence waking me up in the morning. It squawks at me sometimes, it seems like at times when I’m actually late or going to be late for something it’s almost like it’s outside telling me to hurry up hurry up hurry up. It watches me on a daily basis almost like a dog would follow you around or something. It’s crazy. This has been happening since 2 hours after my dad died almost 2 years ago.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Please take off my last name on my post… thanks,
    Lodene

  4. Lodene says:

    My Dad just passed October 3rd 2021. He had a special bond with red tail hawks and always said it was a good omen when one crossed his path. The hawks visit our Ranch often. Since his passing I feel my Dad watching and guiding me through them. A few weeks after his passing I happened to go outside and five, yes five hawks were soaring above. I related to your post as did my siblings.
    My Dad had a hawk stained glass window in his office because they truly were his ‘spirit animal’ as they are mine now too it seems.

    • Murphy says:

      Lodene, Wow five hawks at once. I think I would have been mesmerized! Thank you for letting me know you related to my hawk story. When I wrote it I thought people might think I was nuts, but I am finding more and more people understand and are open to these mysterious spiritual events. I see that you commented right after your dad died. I am sorry for your loss and hope you are doing well. Thank you, all the best – Patti

  5. Tricia S Austin says:

    Hi Patti, I’m so glad I came upon your story. I lost my dad on July 4th of this year. His loss caused me more grief than I ever expected. Anyway, since then, I have had a hawk fly into my yard and sit on a branch in my backyard. He stayed for a few minutes, then left. Then just yesterday, I was cleaning in the backyard and saw him fly up and land on the same branch and he looked me square in the eyes. I have never seen a hawk in person before in my whole life. My dad had one tattoo and that was an American Eagle. I read also that the two of them match each other spiritually. Anyway, I know it’s him. I know he is saying he’s free and watching over me. I’m just so thrilled and grateful he’s in heaven. Thanks again for your story.

    • Murphy says:

      Tricia, what a beautiful experience for you! I hope you continue to find inspiration in these beautiful birds and also feel your dad’s presence. I am so sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you have some wonderful memories. All the best to you, Patti

  6. Christi says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I queried Google, never expecting to find anything that would resonate. Today, we buried my Dad. He used to admire birds in flight as we sat together and expressed a desire to soar. Because he had dementia, he’d gradually been robbed of his most treasured memories, his dignity, his independence and freedom. It was heartbreaking. While he was in Hospice, and in the process of transitioning, I held his hand and encouraged him to remember the birds and to join them in their freedom. I told him that while I’d be heartbroken, I’d be ok because I knew he’d be an angel watching over me. This morning as I sipped my coffee outside, just before first light, I spotted a hawk swoop down into the woods behind my house. At the funeral-in a different city-I saw another fly by and settle in a nearby tree. It felt like it had meaning for me. I wonder…

    • Murphy says:

      Christi, your comment gave me goosebumps! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and my sincere condolences to you on the loss of your dad. I found that the hawk truly illustrated to me the sense that my dad was now free from illness, soaring and looking down on me and watching over me. I bet you will start seeing more and more hawks – or perhaps you will simply start noticing them more. All the best to you.

  7. Rick says:

    I lost my dad in December of 2019. He was in a nursing home and two months before he passed I happened to look out his window and there was a hawk setting in the tree directly in front of his window. I took a couple of pictures, but really didn’t put much thought into it. Two months later in December I was setting in my living room just minutes from leaving to go to the funeral home for the first viewing. I happened to look out the window and there was a hawk setting directly in front of my living room window just a few feet away from the house. I have NEVER seen a hawk in the area before (I’ve lived in that house for 18 years). The hawk allowed me to see him for just bit then flew off. I haven’t see one in the area since. I had an odd feeling of calm from that point on. To this day when I see a hawk, I kinda smile and say to myself “hi Dad”. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it meant a lot to me!

    • Murphy says:

      Rick, Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story about your dad and the hawk. It sounds so much like my own experience. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. Keep looking for those hawks – one might come along right when you need it! Take care.

  8. Diane says:

    My dad had a Coopers hawk he loved at his small country golf course and he always looked for it. (We paid no attention). When dad died, The hawk flew over his gravesite service as did yours. When we went to the dedication of his bench at the golf course, the hawk swooped in front of our car and led us up the road!
    Believe it or not, a hawk visited me on my birthday landing on my deck, 5 years in a row. I relate to your whole essay! Now I notice the visits and listen when I see a hawk. Happy Spirits are there if we see them.

    • Murphy says:

      Hi Diane, Thank you so much for sharing this awesome story about your dad’s hawk and how it has now become a symbol of your remembrance of him. It it pretty cool how nature can just insert itself into our unexpecting lives, and give even a new meaning to the things that we don’t understand. Thanks again for sharing. It sounds like we really did have the same sort of experience.

  9. Patti,
    I would love to talk to you via email about Erma Bombeck who was my inspiration for starting to write. I’m working on a collection of my published essays to put them into book form. If you’d be willing to correspond please let me know. Thanks. Barb Whittington.

  10. Chris says:

    I just lost mine, a month before his passing he had found a hawk feather. It was very meaningful to him, very symbolic in native American cultures. Seen as a blessing to receive a feather from one, planning on doing the same

    • Murphy says:

      Hi Chris, Thanks so much for your comment. I am sorry for the loss of your dad. I know how tough it is. How beautiful that he found a hawk feather right before he died (I mean, hawk feathers aren’t just sitting around everywhere waiting to be picked up, right?) I would have never associated my father with a hawk during the time he was alive, but the connection became very strong when he died. Lots of symbolic and spiritual connections to messengers from the heavens. Your dad is traveling with you and watching over you. Thank you again for sharing. xox

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